Friday, 12 July 2013

Romance Never Dies


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going ?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

Ways of Life



1. If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

2. The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.

3. Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.

4. One thing you can give and still keep ...is your word.

5. A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.

6. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

7. Minds are like parachutes...they function only when open.

8. Ideas won't work unless YOU do.

9. One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

10. One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.

11. The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.

12. Don't learn safety rules by accident.

13. We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.

14. Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.


Romantic Wife (Joke)



A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.
 
She texted:
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
 
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

Monday, 25 February 2013

Crack ur Brain



    " X " is a 7 letter word, 

    " X " is impossible 4 GOD, 

    new babies lyk " X " better than milk, 

    the poor have " X " and the rich look for " X " from the poor, 

    if u eat " X " u will die, 

    " X " is more important than ur life. 

    I swear with my life I will give u " X " if u get d answer.

     What is " X " ???????



Friday, 8 February 2013

Airline Announcements (Funny)


 "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

 "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

 "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

 "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

 "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

 "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."

 Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

 Pilot - "Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you can't get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day."

 And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

 As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched asthey leave the aircraft.

 As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

 "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

 "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

 And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!"